why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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