DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
