Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize