u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
