I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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