I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
