So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
