I wish I could teleport
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
