Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
