we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
