If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
