Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I met the friendliest cop last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize