My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I bet he comes in French.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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