Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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