Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
