The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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