The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize