It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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