I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
