We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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