walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My breasts were aching with rage.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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