I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
