I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
