So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
