If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
