we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
