I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
