Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
