I can tuck mytits in my pants
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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