Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
