started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
