Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
