feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
