party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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