What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
