Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize