she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
