you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
