ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
