I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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