Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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