i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
