My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
