we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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