Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
