Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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