i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
