you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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