The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
