why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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