Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize