don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i need some magic done to my vagina
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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