I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
