I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My life is pants optional.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
