Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
