He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
