He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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