i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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