I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize