I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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