Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
