Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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