I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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