Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
