I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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