i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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