we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I want is dick and wine.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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