They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
