i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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